Happy easter, everyone.

[katsaris]

Weird plotbunny from hell, but what would the Crucifixion be like if it had been produced by the makers of "Pirates of the Caribbean"?
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PROPHETS OF THE JUDAEA

Executioner: Jesus ben Joseph of Nazareth...
Jesus: (mumbling) Jesus *Christ*. Jesus *Christ*...
Executioner: (continuing)... has been accused of the crimes of religious blasphemy, supporting sedition, preaching proto-communism, impersonating the son of a deity, prophesying without a licence...(list continues)... for these crimes he has been condemned to be crucified until dead.

Barabbas suddenly appears, and with a large axe chops down the cross. He and Jesus try to escape, but they are captured by the Romans again.

Pilatus: I arranged for your amnesty and this is how you repay me. By siding with this man, this prophet!?
Barabbas: A prophet *and* a good man. This is my place -- standing between you and him.
Pilatus' wife: And so is mine. (she goes by Barabbas' side)
Jesus: (to Pilatus) I was rooting for you mate, know that.

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Or perhaps, alternately:

Peter: Now, people that are crucified, get their kneecaps smashed with a hammer -- it causes asphyxiation and a quick death, but after hours on the cross that hammer starts looking very friendly. But Jesus still has that hammer, unused, and he's not going to use it except on the man that betrayed him.
Barabbas: Judas.

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Or:

Satan: So what now, Jesus? Will it be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?
Jesus: Or you could surrender.

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Am trying to think a good alternate line for "Human hair. Off my back." however. Any ideas?

Happy Easter, everyone!